Time for the results from my extremely non-scientific poll of how often men would like to have sex in marriage, charted against the actual numbers as reported by married couples to the General Social Survey (GSS). With 99 votes on my poll, the trend is clear enough to draw some conclusions.
My first mistake was in inventing my own time frames instead of using the ones used in the GSS. The most frequent category used by the GSS was “4+ times per week,” while I had three catetgories more frequent than that, two of which got the bulk of the votes. At the other end of the scale, my “monthly or less” category includes three of the GSS categories, two of which got the bulk of its votes. And in the middle, the GSS had a “2-3 times a month” category that didn’t fit into any of mine. More on how I massaged those issues later.
First, the raw data:
- Monthly or less 1.01% (1 votes)
- Weekly 2.02% (2 votes)
- Twice a week 19.19% (19 votes)
- 3-4 Times a Week 40.4% (40 votes)
- Nightly 21.21% (21 votes)
- Morning and Night 12.12% (12 votes)
- So Often You Get Fired for Missing Work 4.04% (4 votes)
|0: NOT AT ALL (in the last year)||6.8|
|1: ONCE OR TWICE (in the last year)||6.7|
|2: ONCE A MONTH||12.9|
|3: 2-3 TIMES A MONTH||20.3|
|5: 2-3 PER WEEK||23.6|
|6: 4+ PER WEEK||5.7|
My first attempt at a chart kept each poll’s categories as-is, and simply interleaved them. This is hard to read, but judge for yourself. The blue bars represent the frequency reported to the GSS, from lowest to highest, and the red dots/lines are what my poll reported.
As I said, that’s ugly. So I tried to lump the periods together to get something that would match up better between the two data sets. The groupings I settled on were Monthly or Less, Weekly, Semi-weekly (meaning 2-3 times), and 4+/week. This left two groups that didn’t fit well into one of those. The 2-3/month group from the GSS, I divided half-and-half between Monthly and Weekly. That seemed to be the fairest way to do that. Likewise, I divided the 3-4/week group from my own poll evenly between Semi-Weekly and 4+/week. That resulted in the following much more readable chart:
Now, I think you can see that quibbling over whether I should have split those two in-between groups differently is pretty irrelevant. Even if I gave the “Getting” side the benefit of the doubt both times, the disparity here would still be very clear.
In the two bars on the left, 3.03% of the men in my poll reported wanting sex weekly or less. According to the GSS, 70% of couples reported having sex that infrequently. In the right-hand two bars, you see the opposite: 97% of the men in my poll want sex more often than weekly, but only 30% report getting it that often. And if you look just at the fourth bar, nearly 60% of men want sex at least 4 times a week, but less than 6% are getting that. So a man who goes into marriage hoping to have sex at least 4 times a week has, at best, a 1-in-10 chance of getting it.
The GSS didn’t even bother asking about higher frequencies; maybe they didn’t think daily sex in marriage would be common enough to count.
The takeaway here is clear. Men — at least the kind of men who will answer a poll on the manosphere — want a lot more sex in marriage than they’re likely to get. The only man who’s likely to get all the sex he can stand is the one who wants it only monthly. Those who want anything more than a Sunday afternoon quickie had better plan ahead for how they’re going to make sure that happens, because it’s not at all the norm. If these charts represent 100 couples, only 3 of them have sated husbands, with maybe another 6 or so doing okay, but 90 hungry. Not good odds.
The message to wives is clear too: if you think your husband is happy with your weekly romps, maybe he is — or maybe he’s not at all but doesn’t know what to do about it. Even if you’re going at it 2-3 times a week, there’s a good chance he’d like more. If you really want to keep him satisfied, it may take a lot more sex than you had guessed. Try offering it every night for a couple weeks, and see if he turns you down.