This quote from Dalrock’s fits perfectly with a radio ad I heard last night and was thinking of writing about:
So last night on the radio I heard an ad for a local non-abortion pregnancy counseling center. The lady who runs the place was talking about a girl who came in, and they helped her find a new place to stay and gave her other help with medical bills and such. She said at one point the girl started crying, and said, “I don’t deserve this.” The lady responded with, “But you do, you do deserve it.”
That’s the problem right there. Now, I happen to know this lady, and she’s the sweetest person you could ask to meet. Her heart aches for these girls and their babies, and she’s dedicated her life to helping them. She just beams when she gets to talk about how they saved a baby from abortion last year. She’s truly doing God’s work.
And yet. Does someone who irresponsibly gets pregant out of wedlock with no ability to fund the pregnancy really “deserve” charity? In fact, isn’t part of the definition of charity that the recipient doesn’t deserve it but is getting it anyway?
The honest answer would be, “No, you don’t deserve it, but your baby doesn’t deserve to die because of your sinful choices, so we’re going to help you anyway.” But of course, you can’t say that, because then she might go have an abortion. This place usually gets one shot at a girl, after she’s already scared and desperate, and she’s expecting them to “judge” her and put her down, so she’s ready to run any second. You have to sweet-talk her and pat her on the head and tell her she’s wonderful, so she’ll let you keep her baby alive. Anything that could offend her has to be avoided.
So that’s part of it: abortion is the worst possible outcome, so anything else is better, even using tax money to raise the kid for the next 20+ years while she sits around.
And I think, in a way, this lady does think these particular girls are special and deserving, precisely because they did come in to a place where they’re afraid they’ll be judged, when so many girls don’t. All the other girls just get the abortion, but this girl made the extra effort to find help for her baby, so she’s special. Better. Deserving.
But for most conservatives, it’s not just about abortion. It goes to their overwrought notion of chivalry, where women really can do no wrong. If a woman is a single mother and can’t feed the kids, it can’t possibly be her fault. Sure, she slept with a guy who obviously wasn’t good father material — and then a second one for the second kid — but that’s not really her fault. They seduced her. Society didn’t teach her any better. Sure, she spends hundreds of dollars a month — enough to feed her kids — on smokes, her smart phone, and lottery tickets. But that’s not really her fault because bad education again, and she’s allowed to have some enjoyment in life, right?
If you believe that nothing can ever really, ultimately be a woman’s fault, then it’s only natural that you have to pass the responsibility to someone else.
It’s especially difficult for conservatives who like to trumpet their racial color blindness, because everyone knows illegitimacy and welfare are a much bigger problem among certain minority groups, but because of race, they can’t even blame the fathers there. If you can’t blame the mother or the father, who’s left to blame and be handed the bill?