Contented Women Don’t Facebook

(If this one looks familiar, it’s because I posted it a while back, but somehow made it a Page instead of a Post.  That’s annoying because it makes it look like my central thesis or something, when it’s just some offhand musing. If I were running this WordPress on my own site, I could change it in the database; but I can’t do that here, so I just have to copy it and let it show up as a new post.  Enjoy again, I guess.)

Something I’ve noticed is that a woman who’s happy with her man doesn’t waste time on Facebook or other social media (not counting business usage, of course).  I’ve seen the same pattern over and over: girl is on FB every day, sharing silly pictures and liking all her friends’ stuff.  Then she meets a new guy and disappears online for a while.  She may post pictures of herself and her new man now and then to brag, but the frivolous stuff will stop.  Her page may even go dark for months.  Then one day she’s back, and you can tell they’ve broken up or she’s not happy.  Rinse and repeat.

What brought this glaringly to my attention was a particular girl’s page.  I don’t even know her; I saw her on a dating site and thought she had potential, so I tracked her down on FB (easy to do when you live in a small enough town, as long as she uses the same pictures). That revealed more potential but also some red flags, so I thought I’d just observe for a while.  Not too long after, she posted a picture of herself with a new short haircut — which all her friends gushed over, of course — so that didn’t help.  Some days later, she posted a picture of herself with a new guy, and some happy stuff about soulmates or whatever.  No activity for a while, then one day all that was gone — not just dropped off the page, but deleted — and she posted some pablum captions about how it’s better to live alone than with someone who doesn’t love you, blah blah blah.  Then a couple weeks later, all those were gone, and the picture of the two of them was back!  She’s gone through that same cycle a few times now, with the same picture of the same guy.  Looks like I dodged a bullet on that one.

That got me thinking about other women I know online, especially relatives and close friends whose personal lives I’m familiar with.  The ones who are reasonably happy at home just don’t spend much time on there.  When they do post, it’s stuff about their kids, or recipes or crafts — things they’re actually doing — and the friends who comment on their stuff tend to be other moms or family members who are in the same boat.  They don’t post pictures with captions about strong women, or take endless tests to find out what kind of flower they are.

The women who do that stuff are the unattached or unhappy ones.  Of course, they post about how happy and busy they are, but there’s a frantic, try-hard feel to it.  Rarely is any of it about something that matters.

So if you see a girl posting a lot of silly stuff on FB, you can figure she’s immediately available, regardless of what her status says or how many pics there are of her with a boyfriend.  On the other hand, if your own wife or girlfriend is the one doing it….well, don’t be surprised if you get the “love you but not in love with you” speech before long.

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7 thoughts on “Contented Women Don’t Facebook

  1. I’m having this very same discussion with several women in my life right now, and let’s just say that they don’t take kindly to my brief summation of what Facebook is all about: it’s the primary medium for feeding women’s very worst narcissistic tendencies.

    Quite frankly it’s difficult to deny, based on the available evidence, that the overwhelming majority of FB content is anything other than the visual and verbal vomitus of women under the age of 50 who are not only devoid of real meaning or purpose in life, but who are almost pathologically self-centered. It’s simply not characteristic of a human being with a functioning moral compass and set of guiding life principles to think that the world at large is interested in their every look and thought, even on the most trivial and intimate of topics. With very few exceptions, the fact that a woman posts regularly to FB at all, regardless of the content of her posts, should serve as a signal company full of red flags. And yes, most men who post regularly to FB tend to be gelded gammas whose shallow narcissism is revealed in content that mirrors that of the female majority.

    Facebook: a digital petri dish revealing germs of cultural decay.

  2. I don’t think Freeriker’s argument is correct, because the same thing could be said about blogging.

    However, I do wonder whether Cail Corishev feels that the same things he posted about women also apply about men who use Facebook.

  3. Drew, men and women are different, and men and women are treated completely differently in social media (have two average-looking people, a man and a woman, post pictures of themselves with a new haircut, and watch the difference), so no, I don’t think the same things apply.

    I would say that a man who tries to use FB in that sort of attention-getting way probably has issues of his own, but different ones. I don’t really know, because I haven’t seen that. Most of my guy friends on FB are like me: they use it for playing a game or keeping up on what friends are doing, but they don’t post much themselves, regardless of their relationship status. When they do post, it’s a funny joke or a picture of their kid winning an award or something. They aren’t there for attention for themselves. (Which is good, because unless a man is famous, he’s not going to get any.)

    Feeriker is right; FB is much worse in this respect than a blog. Yes, some people use their blogs to babble about themselves and seek attention, but FB is a much better tool for that. A blog takes work, and you have to blog interesting or entertaining things over time if you expect people to pay attention. Not so with FB, where you have a built-in audience of family and classmates and acquaintances (most such people will accept a friend request by default), and all you have to do is snap a quick picture of yourself and post it. If you’re female, instant attention. And if you’re female and have a decent picture up, you’ll get messages from new men with no further effort at all.

    Another problem with FB: most of the content is so ephemeral that it’s meaningless. Post a picture of your new haircut and get 25 likes and 12 admiring comments. Yay! But the next day that’s scrolled off everyone’s wall, and the party’s over. If you want more attention, you’re going to have to post again. Pretty soon it’s a habit, making sure “they” still “like” you today. If a girl in junior high school acted that way, we’d know to explain to her that you can’t make other people like you, popularity isn’t everything, it’s who you are inside that matters, and so on. But grown women doing it on FB is considered normal. It’s not, and it’s not good for them.

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  6. When my aunt died, I found hundreds of Christmas letters she had received over the years. They all covered exactly three topics: (1) great things our children achieved during the past year, (2) expensive vacations we took, and (3) health problems. Facebook is like getting Christmas letters every day.

  7. @feeriker “And yes, most men who post regularly to FB tend to be gelded gammas whose shallow narcissism is revealed in content that mirrors that of the female majority.”

    Been there, done that. Facebook is both a platform for self-marketing and an easy way to avoid making a real effort to put yourself out there and change yourself. For the gamma male, it’s a perfect storm of awful, especially since the gendered result disparity only diminishes your confidence and estimation of your value vis a vis women further.

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